I always considered myself a good person. I've always felt like a good person even while I was doing bad stuff. I always knew what I did was wrong but I did it anyways. The frustrating thing is I'm not even sure why I exactly did a good portion of it. Not to say I didn't have excuses and justifications for it all, but truthfully, I knew better and I did it anyways. Maybe everybody has to partake in their share of chaos creating and seeking. Part of some mumbo jumbo about balance and yin/yang or something. good vs bad, chaos vs stability, right vs wrong. I'm not going to try to convince you of anything theological but I'll use it to explain this, The Chinese philosophy of yin-yang is that of opposing but equal forces; yin vs yang. The Taoist did not originally allow the good vs evil dimension into it as they did not believe that moral perceptions are real but illusions. However Confucianism does assign a moral dimension to the yin-yang. Well I've had so much bad and chaos that IChaos tastes bad now've lost the taste for it, I hate it and avoid it with a fervor. I truly only desire the good things nowadays. I need to bring back the balance and It's been tipped way to far the other way. I've learned my lessons, I just need to follow the path I know I should be on.
I've never felt more clear headed and able to handle anything life throws at me. I can handle high stress, intense, and difficult situations with calm, correct, calculated, quick and decisive problem solving skills. Shit, I'm ranked in the top 2.5% of Starcraft 2 players worldwide (widely argued as the most challenging game mentally), I can handle multitasking and the strategic handling of a plethora of ever evolving and an ever increasing number of difficulties and obstacles with skillful and marked ease. If I might unleash the caged beast of an ego I have for a minute, I think that everything I do is done with intelligence and pure awesomeness. I could list off all the things I am capable of doing at a higher than average ability but I don't feel like making that big of a list, allow it to suffice when I say I have a crazy skill set and an uncanny knack at learning and handling anything that comes my way. I feel uniquely prepared and very adept at handling anything and everything. I feel I am ready for happiness, I may not deserve it quite yet, but I have faith in myself and my future wife and our children and our future life together. I know I'm happy and I am excited to share it. I wish it was the time for my happy ending to start but it's okay if it must wait for awhile, I still need more time to become my best. I'll be ready when it happens and it will be a wonderfully loving and satisfying relationship. I already feel stronger just knowing what is in store for me in this life.
I know everybody wants to know what bad things I'm talking about; I never did anything super evil or anything. But I was still playing with the line of decency to say the least, I know you want to know specifics but I'll leave it at saying that it was like 85% vandalism/property damage and so on and so forth and other such ilk. I would go into more specific details but you probably wouldn't believe most of the stories anyways.
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