Dealing with my self-doubt

Lately I've been plagued by self doubt. Today I decided that until I feel better I will just make a daily list and continue my self improvement. I have been trying really hard to focus on a lot of major areas of my lifestyle right now so I can improve myself. I want to be healthier both physically and mentally & I want to be more spiritually aware. I want to be more successful in my personal life as well as professionally. My problem is all the self doubts that I have about myself have resurfaced and have made me feel depressed. This would have been a very bad thing before in my life and would have caused me much mental anguish and I would have gotten into a rut and gotten stuck in it for far too long. But I am trying to always be positive and shut down the logical sounding negative thoughts. I'm doing pretty good if I might say so myself. I still feel the self doubt but I'm ignoring it today and it's becoming
quieter and the positive thoughts I am forcing into my head seem to be helping. Positive logic is prevailing. I have been trying really hard and I take solace in that. I am making progress. I will continue to make progress until I am the best me I can be then I will try to be even better than I thought I could be. No matter the troubles I have on the bad days, or the bad weeks, or months, etc.

         For instance, I want to be in love. I am a very passionate person and I've been feeling alone as of late. I have been feeling very unloved and by extension very unlovable and that had started some very negative thoughts brewing inside my head. But through thinking positively and logically, I have reaffirmed my rational that I am really not quite ready for anything. I want it, but I want to be a better version of myself before I go after what I want. I am not 100% happy with where I am right now or with who I am or what I look like. I want to be in a better place before I worry about something as serious as finding a partner for life and someone to make a family with. I'm not interested in hooking up with girls I do not have an honest chance at being happy with in the long term. It makes me feel like I am devaluing myself. It makes me feel even more alone afterwards.

     

   Recently,  I have been confronted with another married woman (fuckin' story of my fucking life) trying to hook up with me. Granted she claims she is in an "open" relationship, and I certainly don't judge other people on their particular style of finding happiness, but I still have no interest. I feel it is wrong, I believe in monogamy and sharing a life with one person and being a team and all that fairytale bullshit that seems almost hopeless to believe in, but that's what I want. 

Although, I am starting to wonder if there is something wrong with my morals and values. Are my expectations of myself and what I deserve and what is a real possibility or am I being delusional?  It seems like I am the only one who feels this way. I don't want something unless It is a good, healthy relationship with someone I get along with that has similar life goals. Is that too much to ask for? I have only found a couple of women so far in my life who have interested me on a spiritual, intellectual and emotional level. Sadly I never feel like I have a chance with them. I hear the self doubt telling me that I'm not good enough. The positive side of me doesn't seem to have a rebuttal, rather it is in a very nice way agreeing with it. It tells me I can be better. And you know what I can be and that is exactly what I'm going to do every fucking day until I succeed or die trying. I'll try my hardest to be the best me I can be and I will succeed or die alone with the honor and pride that I gave it my all to be the best I could be regardless of the judgments that others made of me, my value, my lifestyle or my worthiness. I have to have faith in my romanticism and dreams of a good life, I must believe they will come true no matter how hopeless it seems on the rough days. And it all starts with loving yourself and being the best you can be for and to yourself.