Today I went over to a buddies house to help him with some trouble he was having on his girlfriends laptop. As I showed up I found out what he and his girlfriend thought of me. I knew they were talking about me. I know it was wrong to eavesdrop on two peoples private conversation but being as I was the topic I felt entitled to know this. Since he decided to tear me apart and bash me and my way of life I also feel entitled to bash him since we are no longer friends. I don't usually bash people or belittle them, but when someone fucks with me or the ones I care about, I'm a rabid fucking dog.
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I try to understand everything, I guess you could say I try to overstand things. I analyse everything and I really try to empathize with people and see things from their perspective because it tends to enhances my personal perception of things. I believe it is essential to my personal growth to learn lessons from other peoples mistakes because I can learn more lessons faster, not to mention it is easier to learn the lesson well if you have no deep personal involvement with the situation and can analyse it from an unbiased viewpoint. I truly enjoy trying to see through other peoples eyes, I don't enjoy hearing the bad tales and sad stories that people tell me but I try to be a good listener, understanding and nonjudgmental. However, I do not like feeling like a burden to people and I have trust issues (rightfully so) so I rarely discuss my bad times and bad feelings with people in real life, hence this here blog.
This situation reminds me of a situation at the very beginning of 8th grade. It was the first week of the new school year. 7th grade was a year I spent pretty much in seclusion with the exception of 2 friends. I was really depressed at that time in my life. This situation was actually the moment I became a "bad kid". I was walking through the lockers when I heard my friend Jessica talking to someone in the next locker aisle. She was laughing so I went to go investigate and join in the merriment Turns out she was with some dude and they were staring over a yearbook. As I approached he just kind of looked at me and a real shitty smile at me, I brushed it off as my constant paranoia that everyone secretly hates me. She was facing away from me and laughing and saying some mean shit about somebody. As I got closer I could hear what she was saying. Yep, you guessed it. They were laughing at me and drawing and writing fucked up shit on and around my yearbook picture from last year. Funny part of this story is that is where I learned to hate having pictures taken of me. I hate them and if you get one of me I am 99% I am flipping off the camera and I will demand that you delete it. Anyways back to the point, I fucking lost it. I beat the motherfucking shit out that kid. I didn't acknowledge her at all during the incident or ever again after that. She just stood there yelling at me to stop. I had lost my cool, I blacked out. From what I was told, I smashed his face into the ground repeatedly and I ended up breaking 3 of his ribs and I dragged him to a trashcan and was picked up by a couple teachers as I was stuffing him head first into it. When I was in the office getting suspended, I ended up meeting a new friend named Eric and he apparently watched the whole thing and came up to congratulate me on beating the shit out that kid. I guess Eric had a personal vendetta against him because that kid had ended up dating his little sister over the summer and she of course "loved" him so much but he didn't care about her and he turned her out to his jock ass friends and then took pictures of it all and passed them around the school. She ended up leaving the state to go live with an aunt. She never went back, not even to visit. I hear she is a veterinarian now and is married and has 2 girls, Good for her. Eric and I became good friends after that and we ended up looking out for each other that year. It was nice to have a friend who has strong morals and stood up for them. That school year I made a lot of friends who were just like me, outsider looking in on everyone else and disgusted by the bullshit backstabbing lying sociopath "popular" kids. We actually got accused by school administration of being an "organized gang". We weren't anything like that. We were just the angry dejected outcasts that all found each other and looked out for each other and anyone else that was being bullied by the fucked up "popular" kids. Maybe we were a gang. I smashed on a quite a few kids faces that year. Hormones, heh? Anyways I just looked up those people. I could not find anything on Jessica but I do know they dated for 3 years after that. That kid spent the entire time cheating on her and trying to fuck her older sister and once he did he got bored and moved on to torturing some other poor girl. He ended up getting a girl pregnant during a gangbang. After all the parental test were said and done, it was his. He refused to have anything to do with a "whore's baby". I wonder if he realizes that for accuracy purposes he should have pluralized Whore; The kid is a "Whores's Baby". But I digress way too much.
I'd like to give a short set-up of the background to the actual incident that is supposed to be the focus of this blog. My old friend in this story is actually an old guy. He was mid to late 30's when I met him. He was roughly 37. I was 24. I was going through a divorce. He had a girlfriend but this was after 2 failed marriages to two separate women who cheated with the same guy. There was no mysterious plot; that guy wasn't purposefully selecting my buddies wives. No personal vendetta. Ironically enough, it was merely a coincidence. Believe me, it was the first question I asked him when he told me. So throughout the entire divorce ordeal I saw him 5 days a week and we shared every cigarette break and lunch together. He gave me a ton of advice. Some I did not agree with personally, Some of it helped me immensely I must admit. I also must admit I never really felt like he was a good friend, I guess I gave him extra credit with me because I perceived that he was trying to genuinely do what he thought was helpful to me at the time even though he and I have very different viewpoints on what makes a happy life.
I'm pretty sure he is a sociopath. I have known many sociopaths very well. They tend to have no shame and even get off in showboating their supposed greatness. He may not be not king of them but he is definitely within their ranks. Sociopaths are a very common breed in this world. I've noticed they all seem on the surface to have an alluring and charming personality and can lure people in with what seems to be almost no effort on their part due to the fact that they have a great ability to know what to say and how to say it to trigger and create addictive reward and punishment chemical releases in people's brains, they are like a drug. They always seem to be strong and a person with a good plan and who has pretty much figured out how to achieve it, and they do for the most part achieve their plan, but that plan is not the plan they've told you. Their real plan only involves their sick twisted desire to have control and power and abuse over people. I grew up in a family of sociopaths, not my immediate family per se but they are certainly hanging out there in the family tree. Very interesting and persuasive people, They can't actually be happy. They are incapable of the feeling in the true sense of the word. They have no problem getting people to follow them even though it is CLEAR the path will end in tragedy, they are good at distracting you with the scenery so you don't actually see where you are going. Maybe I can spot this shit because I was such an introspective and analytically adept child who questioned everything and was too stubborn to take anything told to me at face value. Give me a gold coin and I'll doubt it's gold until I have tested it. I believe that if you ask enough questions and question the answers to those questions that you can figure out the truth to any situation.
I have to admit that I listened for a long time to them talking about me. They fucking tore me apart. All he offered up in my defense was that I was a nice guy. To which she replied "He's just a fat fucking piece of shit, he has to be nice to have anyone want to be around him." As somebody who always tries to be nice and helpful and generous because I believe it is the correct way of achieving happiness and a way to spread goodwill and decency throughout the world by being what you want to see in the world. I have been the other way so I feel I know the correct path I must walk now at all costs. I've been selfish, indifferent, detached, cold, manipulative, self righteous and violent in my past. I was a vandal in my youth with no respect to others property. I didn't even think it was okay then. I was just young and angry at the world and justified my behavior to myself that the world deserved it all for being a piece of shit. I took it out on everyone and everything that rubbed me the wrong way. I obviously have grown a long way from that disgruntled angry miscreant. And as someone who is fat. I felt really hurt by this. But they are right. I do get used and I am afraid of that being true about having to buy people to have them act like I matter in their life and have them not leave me. And I have learned in my life that no one loves fat people. It's true at least from what I've seen. But I am trying to work on that. right or wrong morally, I've noticed that nobody wants to love a fat person in this society, people will fuck them, people will use them, but I've never seen any fat person be the true subject of one love and adoration. But then again I've seen a lot of darkness in my life. He helped me here because I do realize that after hearing how much was said with the word fat in their shit talking session that it really is something that can make or break a love connection. I have been working out regularly and I am getting less fat. By this time next year I hope to have a "hot" body mostly for health reasons. my genes hint toward a long long life. But if I have a good body then maybe I can attract a good woman. Can't hurt anyways, right? All I know is I feel like girls do not take me seriously as an option when they have any chance at all with an attractive male, If they gave me a chance I think they'd be fucking amazed by me but I sense the fat is too much to allow me to get through the tiny door of opportunity when it comes a knocking most of the time. Being fat has definitely left me quite a few times with my dick in my hand, as the saying goes. Oh well. I plan on getting super fit and then bailing out of this city and starting over in a new place with a new life where nobody remembers me as the fat guy who has to be nice and funny to make girls even want to be my friend. God those motherfuckers really pissed me the fuck off.
But I still believe in real love. Which I was ridiculed at great length for believing in a fucking fairytale idea of love. It was once again brought up how unattractive and fat I was to ever have any girl ever love me. My buddy doesn't believe in love like that anymore he believes in consistent shared lust. he is convinced that love is a false feeling. Of course he still tells his girlfriend that she is the only one he "loves" when she gets jealous and rages at him for liking a "favorite" more than her. He told me that I reminded him a lot of himself at the age I was back when we met. he said back then that was why he was going to try to "wisen" me up. He is thoroughly convinced that every single girl is a whore, he just thinks some are too ashamed of it so they try to hide it but that he guarantees that every last women that has ever existed and will exist will enjoy being used dirty fuckholes and disrespected thoroughly like they are worthless, and not in the way one might role play with someone in love having fun; this is not role playing because this is not acting, these types of fucks actually do treat these girls as dirty whores and that is what they truly think of them and yet these poor whores come back for more. Telling a girl you want your friend to use them as a whore is not role playing. It is being an actual whore for some piece of shit's piece of shit. It's heartbreaking really. As I am growing older I am fearing that he may be correct though, even though I truly want to believe I am right, evidence is not supporting my hypothesis.
My old friend has told me before in the past that is the way nature intended for us to be. I beg to differ, 1 in 5 people have genital herpes and 80% of those people don't even know it. Yeah, so once you get over 5 partners you are pretty much guaranteed exposure to genital herpes, and using a condom only cuts the risk by 30%. You can get genital herpes from some by sucking a dick with a condom on it! Have fun with those odds. Then throw up all the other STDs and it actually seems like nature wants us to be monogamous and choose 1 partner, because you don't get STDs between 2 clean and monogamous partners. I've never had an STD so I must be doing something right, right? This really breaks my heart. I don't feel love the way he does and i know I don't have the same concept of it as almost everyone else but I don't think I should be ridiculed for it. I don't believe it is "boring" as they put it. I believe in monogamy and crazy, passionate and creative sex. I'll treat a girl in bed however she wants and still love AND respect her afterwards no matter what we did. I believe in real love and I want to have a family. You can't have that shit with all that whoring around. I know, I people watch everyone I meet. It's so ingrained in me to survey everything everyone does to make sense out of it that it happens without me even trying. I am friendly and nice and generous to everyone and I always try to foster goodwill and openness and this usually lets people feel comfortable having me deciphering their whys and hows of their thoughts and actions. I probably should have went to school to help people but I don't believe everyone can be saved and I don't necessarily want to put in the effort to save everyone all the time. How stressful! Plus I have come to realize that nobody appreciates the help. They just turn it into assuming I have a personal agenda. I do have a personal agenda but I am very transparent with my intentions and for the record my personal agenda involves me being a better me and that is my only agenda that I choose to work on until I discover the person I'm supposed to share my love and happiness with.
I do want to be loved. I haven't felt loved in a very long time and I do miss it. But I do not find solace in empty short term illusions or in emotionless sex. It's like craving chocolate but chewing dogshit instead because it kinda looks like it and you can't find any chocolate. I know what love feels like. I know I can actually love someone in a good, healthy and complete way so that means there is someone out there can do the same for me. But past relationships have had me noticing that once I really stopped to analyse them I always came to same conclusion that these women I was dating did not actually love me as much as I loved them. They said it to me all the time and probably thought they meant it but at the end of it all, It was obvious because if they'd have tried even half as hard as I did I'd have been satiated. I guess it might be partially my fault since I did spoil them filthy rotten and they knew I'd never ever cheat or do anything to intentionally hurt them so they felt real secure that I'd just always be there no matter what but that doesn't mean I'll stick around and put up with somebody actively trying to have a good, equal loving relationship. I know that no matter how much you try, nobody can make you happy and you certainly can't make anyone else happy. They all told me that they've never felt more consistently happy with anybody else. Good, because I put a lot of thought and effort into my relationships. They all enjoyed having sex with me, I'm a very generous and giving person full of passion and a very very vivacious libido and I am extremely eager to please and do whatever crazy fun seems fun at the time. All I can say is every girl I've been with has always had a very serious issue letting me walk off into the sunset once I they realize I'm not going to come back ever; Once they see that I had had enough and that I know I deserve better than this. I have broken up with every girl I have ever dated, not one woman has called it off with me. They always swear they will change and some of them eventually did after I was gone and I am proud of them for that and I am very happy for them and a couple of them still send me the occasional letter every couple of years thanking me for the part I played in their lives and it is very touching. We all can be better happier people if we would just make the effort to be who we want to be and not to make justifications for behavior we know is not conducive to who we aspire to be.You must be happy first and be with a happy person and then you must share your happiness with each other and build upon it and make it multiply and grow steadily towards fantastical heights.
talking shit about my relationship history and my choice to not be in one now really really makes me defensive and angry. Kathy put it "I just don't see how could he ever get a girl to want to be more than just friends with him, he's such an ugly fat fuck I don't believe that his wife even fucked him once" Well we did. A lot. we fucked all the fucking time. We certainly had a very lively and creative sex life. I've probably had more sex than most people though not with as many partners. But you don't need to practice with bottom feeders when you're a fucking legend, save that shit for someone on your fucking level. She still says I'm easily way better than any of the others she has been with, I don't even want to say how many partners she's had, but it's quite a lot. She is experience to say the least. But apparently I am easily the best in her book and what else would you expect from a genius that watches a fair amount of porn? I'm a learning sponge. Teach a man to fish? You don't have put any effort into teaching me how to fish, man. I can figure it out from watching it once.
Every one of my exes have tried to win me back with, truth be told, considerably more effort than they ever actually put into the relationship when there was one. A couple of them have been trying for years and years. They get very very distraught, angry and manipulative, and try pretty much anything they can pull out of their seemingly endless bag of tricks to try to win me back. It's actually really funny how some of them have even tried the same tricks that used to work on them on me. Like I'm gonna be a submissive whore to them. I might be nice but I am a stubborn ruthless mother fucker inside, I have made very deliberate effort to be what I think is a good person. I have a considerable amount of self control when it comes to things I have set my mind to. I do believe that they eventually feel real love for me and truth be told I would have stayed with every single one of them had they just acted like that when we were trying to have a relationship. But truth be told, the way these girls took me for granted and played head games would always always leave me feeling that walking away was the best and correct choice, but on the negative to all that it resulted in me acquiring a contemptuous distrust of people. I stay friendly with exes if that's what they want because I truly do want them to be happy. My feelings were genuine even if theirs weren't. But I have never ever gone back or even fucked an ex no matter how much they beg for it and matter what they promise. I was not lying to them when I told them I was done trying to seek mutual happiness with them, but that we could be friends but we'll never be and create a family together so what is the point? All I do with exes is encourage them to be happy and make good choices and decisions. That's not always what they try to do with me though. sigh. But I try to be the best person I can be in every situation regardless of what other people are doing. Someone else's penchant for self destruction and their weakness of character and soul does not have a negative impact on me inside in the end, It only makes me more resolute to live a good, healthy and happy life. I want to live a good life and I want that for everybody but some people just want to hurt other people intentionally and have no conscience about it and I avoid those people at all cost.
Then they talked shit about me being a stupid drug dealing stoner? Fuck you. When I was at the peak fluid intelligence in my life I was at 164 IQ. That is well above certifiable genius. Even though as I age my IQ is lowering as does every ones as they age. I just tested my IQ again today and I have an IQ of 153, that means I am still in the top 1 percent, Chief. Certifiable Genius. I scored in the top 2% of college bound seniors when I was in the 7th grade on the SAT. And weed is a great substance. I could write all day on that but everyone knows my feelings about weed. Shit's good for your soul.
I believe in people being open and honest and however the fuck they want to be as long as they don't hurt other people in the process, accidents happen we are all feeling creatures, but intention is paramount and the key to being a good person. I can understand someone fucking someone they want if they think they might have an honest chance at being happy but I cannot, cannot, cannot understand running around willfully having someone treat you like a piece of shit whore. But every single day that goes by and every single girl I meet has me feeling more and more like I am all alone in this world. So many of them seem to want to be treated like shit. they want the extreme highs and act like the extreme lows are okay and a normal price to pay for it. I just want to cry when I am confronted by a person that wants to be treated like shit by random piece of shit dudes. Don't they see the path of unhappiness before them, do they even want to be happy? Do they not realize that some one who cared about them in the slightest would not want them to be a dirty gutter slut? Do they think that is what they deserve? Are they really that fucking weak of a person? Have some fucking dignity, have some fucking self respect. because if you don't respect yourself, no one else will and you won't deserve respect. Nobody will value you more than you value yourself, at least not for any significant amount of time. All things eventually come to light. Nobody can keep up appearances forever and when it catches up to you, well hahahaha.
And to set the record straight, I have pretty much dated every girl I've wanted to that I was friends with that met the standards i was looking for. I put myself in the fucking friend zone on purpose so I can do proper fucking research. Just because I like a girl doesn't mean I won't look for the red flags and walk away if there are too many. That's what makes a person strong and smart. If you see too many red flags, Just walk the fuck away and sever all ties. It's not the easiest thing in the world but it is the correct choice in the long run. The long term will support your decision. I am not anybody's savior, but I will try to help them see that they aren't piece of shit whores, but they are the ones who decide what they are worth in the end, we all do. Girls have to decide for themselves if they are deserving of being treated good or like a dirty piece of shit emotional punching bag whore skank. That's why I won't date a girl unless I am "just friends" with them because otherwise they just put on a front and hide who they really are and I can say that I am validating this practice more and more with every girl I become friends with. I've met a a lot of women I've met are dick whipped by a piece of a shit that wants to treat them terribly and play mind games until the girl is "broken in". The ones that aren't stupid found somebody while I was off being fucking stupid and getting married to an emotionally unstable girl with a family history of mental illness and a severe history of sexual abuse that she still today hasn't come to terms with. She started taking a head full of pills that made her worse and worse and more convinced that she was broken until we both went fucking emotionally fucked off a cliff.
This old friend helped me through that all. I was sleeping on my aunts couch and walking around drunk every night and stumbling into work looking like I just wanted death to finally have mercy on me and come take me away. I was always this close to crying, the world was just a background of shit and pain to me and I barely remember that time in my life except for a couple of people I went to frequently to make me feel better. I'd have to say he helped me through it the most not because of me taking his advice because I knew people that gave waaaaaay better and much more consistent advice that was credible and wasn't contradictory but because I saw what I didn't want this divorce to turn me into. I have had some "fly-by friends" (aka people I was only interested in for my people watching hobby, I've have since lost the urge to people watch because there are so many copies of most sheeple with just slight variances that i reallt only pay attention to people that intrigue me because they are unique, whether in a good way or a bad way.) in my past explain the process and how they do it, its a game for them, these girls are put on an emotional rollercoaster with extreme highs compared to the lows, it's not actually going to release more chemicals but it will feel more intense because of how low the lows are coupled with the fear that they may not get that high again, even though rationally they can and it would be better without the lows but these girls have low self esteem so they are afraid that change will be worse than before and that now that they act this way that they must just be a whore and who else will love them as the whore these sociopaths turned them into? When my friends are acting like they are sexually interested in them feel high but then experience extreme lows when they are inevitably treated like they don't matter and ignored because the dude has another girl and them blows her off, ignoring her to make that fear stay in their gut that he may leave her forever and she'll never get a chance with him again because OMG! He's ignoring her and with another girl! They'll even sometimes tell them to go suck someone else's dick and tell him about it and she'll do it because she NEEEEEEDS his attention and she'll do it because if she doesn't he may not talk to her ever again and then she also gets fearful that she may be stuck with this "lesser" dick forever. She'll beg for attention back from them and what they don't realize is that they didn't get him, they can't get him, they didn't win his love and they never will for he truly has none to give her, he only loves himself. all she has done is given him more control and proven that she has no repect for herself and then the fucking game escalates. The girls get stuck in a cycle of thinking doing more of what he wants is helping them gain his love and adoration he'll even claim it does but all it's doing is proving more and more willing to do anything to "keep" him because that is what he implies will bring him around to loving her again and possibly forever, she is always close to having him actually love her. he'll even play that game for a while, usually this is done multiple times until she just gives in completely and accepts that he owns and controls her completely. I knew this one guy that would get the same two girls over and over again going back and forth between who he claims he liked more just because he eventually had a fantasy of them both at the same time and he was willing to play devil with these girls hearts and souls for some fucking "dream fantasy night" which was always never enough for him, he did seem pretty please when he got his dream of two sisters at the same time all he does is try to get them to be friendly to each other and them bam, that game will play itself out to completion. Sick manipulative fucks could start a cult if they wanted to, guaranteed. The sad truth is that when the guys abandon these girls when they are done with them they are so twisted afterwards they may never become okay again. Do you think those guys give a fuck? These kinds guys do not respect women, obviously, but I've watched these manipulative guys just throw a bitch through the wringer and have a sexslut come out on the other side who will love him forever and beg to be treated like shit just because those regularly released snippets of chemical highs seem so extremely high when compared to the extreme lows they suffer before the highs. It is such a difference it's just as addicting as any fucking drug out there. They target any girl that catches their boner's attention. These "sexual liberators" as I've heard them grandiosely referring to themselves, they have what they call signs of a whore
1: Low self esteem - obviously these girls crave the "love" and attention that they receive from someone they consider "better" than themselves and sociopaths are fantastic at making themselves appear better than everyone else, they work very hard on appearances and saying the right thing at the right time, and masters at persuasion. they also really enjoy the attention of the other men they are pushed at because it makes them feel more desirable. they equate the lust they see as being for them when in truth those guys wouldn't know her from any other whore and treat her as such so she tries even harder to earn a place of recognition in the whore pile. what an achievement. it's like being the shiniest turd in the toilet, no one wants that but shit for brains. you will never get loved being a whore. it's worse than being fat. who the fuck wants to love a whore that doesn't even love herself? And acting like you have standards of who you let treat you like a whore doesn't make you anything better than a stupid shallow whore.
2: History of addiction - Obviously when you take a predisposition to addiction with the frequent release and complete absence of happy chemicals and add in a clear lack of impulse control, you have the recipe needed to control a person. This is a no-brainer here
3: History of long-term, bad relationships: Obviously this girl is willing to be treated like shit already and has a high level of tolerance. All you have to do is say the right stuff at the right time and you can easily have her. her standards and conception of what she deserves and what is normal is obviously fucked up to say the least. It is absolutely gold if you can get her before she has another relationship. All you have to do is act high minded, display that you are a good person on the surface You overload her senses with high for a while then BAM you make her think she lost you. then you reappear and feed her some new highs and then you have a girl convinced she loves you. then she can easily be told being a whore is "normal" after a bad relationship and that you would never judge her poorly for being a whore that you just want her to be happy doing whatever she wants. Then you can convince her that nobody would understand their special happiness and that she should leave her friends and family because they just wouldn't understand it and just try to stop it and they are jealous and spiteful and just plain out hate to see her happy. Manipulation is a motherfucker, huh?
Not to mention a history of bad relationships is usually started way back as a child when they most likely felt unloved as a child. They have no idea how to be treated right and are probably afraid of it and think it isn't real or that they can't have it and have no idea how to actually accept someone loving them. I'd imagine that the pain of telling yourself you don't deserve a good and nice relationship eventually turns into not wanting one and maybe even despising them because it's already caused enough pain and hurt and they never even had it! Damn it's a viscious cycle. how sad.
During the time I knew this guy that was the subject of this blog post, I've seen him rope a girl in I've seen a turn around of less 10 months with my buddy
only talking online though text and phone calls and video chat to a chick through plenty of fish. This fucking girl agreed to and actually did move across the fucking state to live with him before every actually spending more than a week with him and knowing him for 10 months online, during which time he just emotionally abused the fuck out of this girl that was trying to rebuild her life. He even had her sucking the dick of a guy he had only known through the internet. She did it and then can to move in with him and abandoned everything she knew for him. He tossed her away within a couple of months for his on again off again girlfriend and once he decided he and his friends were bored with her. She probably went crying home to her family until she met the next guy looking for a nice easy already broken in whore, and she'll do it again because now she doesn't even feel good enough to be a dirty worthless whore, she got sent away from a piece of shit for not being good enough to be a piece of shit's piece of shit. Talk about low self esteem. That's why you see the same girls dating obvious sociopaths over and over and over again. It's what they think they deserve it because all they've ever gotten. Not to mention the sociopaths spend a lot of time cultivating an appearance of superiority and and that they are highly desirable. And to these girls these are normal guys to them. Thinking about dating a non-sociopath to these women creeps them out and makes them feel weird, True story. How sad.
These guys keep good records of their conquest. I've known a quite a few. They seem to enjoy trying to convince me that I should live like them, I certainly have the IQ to do it but I have a conscience and nothing about their way of life makes me want to fuck up somebodies head or fuck up their sense of self worth or fuck up the meaning of the word love. That word fucking means something and it doesn't mean making someone feel like they might lose you all the time. It does not make a girl feel inside like she has to compete for your affection. It does not involve making a girl act and feel like she is a worthless whore. The first fucker like this I met was my old friend from high school who actually was very far from attractive, but he was amazing at manipulating girls. That fucking guy just wanted to see girls doing the things they said they'd never do. It was a game to him, and he had pictures and letters and saved emails and everything and put them all in photo albums. He loved showing it off to us all. He actually had emails of them saying, "i'll never do anal" then bam right under it a picture of her with a dick in her ass. He also had herpes and never wore a condom because in his word, if he had it and they let him fuck her without doing her research first then she deserved it. Yeah, sociopath much? He took it upon himself to decide they deserved a lifelong disease because they were dumb enough to fall for his head games. Wow. And he had pictures and pictures and pictures and pictures of all of them. It always made me sad. And his favorite, favorite thing was catching "undercover hoes" and then exposing them to everyone at school. One time this girl's father was the target of his sociopathic anger because the girls father had the balls to confront him and tell him to leave his daughter alone they had an argument over it. So he sent pictures of her doing some fucked up shit to her fucking dad. And she would still send him texts wanting him. You should have seen how triumphantly he would laugh and show everybody pictures. He'd send her messages "I promise I'll fuck you one more time if you send me a picture of the you sucking a dudes dick within the next hour with today's papers in it" Then he'd just ignore her after that and if she kept pressing for his attention he'd call her a whore because "Where's the fun in playing with a broken toy" he said?
My old friend told me that there is no rejection feeling to this way of life because if you fail all you did was make it easier for the next guy to whorify her. All there is is happiness because everyone is free to do what they want to. Which I call bullshit because I've overheard their frequent fights. There is a lot of pain in their lives. In fact in every case I've watched where these sociopaths decide to select a girl for their personal torture, none of those girls were consistently happy for any decent period of time. You can't be. Not if you want those highs to feel more intense than they truly are, then you need those fucking lows to be real fucking low. It's being addicted to chemicals in your brain. The truth is that in a truly loving relationship you feel consistently high, you of course have to have the occasional low but that's life. What you don't is a regular feeling that you will be left alone. Nobody that truly loves you wants anyone else to ever treat you bad much less themselves planning on treating you poorly. How do people fall for this shit? I've even tried to warn numerous girls of their impending doom and a majority of the time they get mad at me for it and rarely do any of them snap out of it.
All these girls get sucked in feeling like they are super desirable to everyone and get sexual release in what seems to be a free and exciting life but at what price? Their dignity, their self worth, their health (I assure you "swingers" have STDs. There is no way you can have that many sexual partners and stay clean. odds are odds. What is the real reward to this? They supposedly get this one guy who is the absolute best at everything and who will take care of everything and give her her cake and let her eat it too. Truth is it is a power and control game for sociopaths. They make sure these girls know that they are the only one who can give them that super high feeling thus making him the one in control and having power over her. They are basically cult leaders, Don't join the commune. Warren Jeffs!!! Warren Jeffs!!!. don't drink their fucking kool aid.
anybody who loves you would not want to cause you emotional pain!
otherwise, IT IS NOT LOVE
Somebody that loves you would not want to share you with anybody else!
otherwise, IT IS NOT LOVE
Somebody that loves you would not want anyone else to treat you like shit.
otherwise, IT IS NOT LOVE.
Somebody that loves you doesn't make you feel like you could lose them to another person ever.
otherwise, IT IS NOT LOVE
Anybody that tries to separate you from your family and friends
otherwise, IT IS NOT LOVE
Fuck that mother fucker and his whore ass girlfriend. I don't even know why I gave a fuck about him. Dude is a piece of shit. Dude didn't try to help me back in the day, he just wanted to see if he could twist my morals and values to his to validate himself. Nah bro, You are a weak piece of shit. You don't have the strength of character to be everything to someone else and you fucking know it. that's why you have to play games and use manipulation and fear to get a girl to love you, That's why you have to try to remove her from and try to alienate her from the people that care about her. That's why your girlfriend hasn't talked to her mom in 7 years even though she says her mom was a wonderful and caring mother who worked two jobs just to get her into college. Shit, I actually will discover and revel in true love one day while you sit around swapping diseases with other people who are pieces of shit that also have no ability to truly love anyone. I'll have a real fucking family with real and deep love and never ending support while you guys sit around picking at herpes sores for the rest of your life. Seriously how many people did you think you could fuck without getting herpes. And with the the kind of people you fucked? Seriously? Are you fucking retarded? Those guys and girls with fuck ANYTHING they can, of course they have disease you fucking moron. That's how you get them.
I felt bad at the beginning of this but you know what? I actually feel more hopeful than I did before I started this day. I have renewed faith in my efforts to trying to be a good and loving person to everyone. You go ahead and spend your days trying to act better than everyone by making everyone feel like shit around you on a pretty regular basis while you play your sick twisted game of "win my affection today and good luck tomorrow and watch me treat another girl like shit while I call you a whore while some stranger treats you like shit." And they lived happily ever after, right? You stupid weak fuck. You might have been like me at one time but time has proven you to be a weak little piece of shit. You always spout off about being an alpha male but you're no alpha male or you'd be confident in your skills to be the only man your lady needs. But you have no skills; you can't cook, you can't fix a car, you can't fix your own computer, you can't even fuck your woman properly, you have to have someone else do it while you call her a whore the entire time so she feels like a piece of trash and like she can't do better than you because she knows that the cesspool using her is a guy that doesn't actually like or respect her in any great sense of the word. You don't want her to be around people that truly build her and her self esteem up because then she would realize that nobody would treat someone they care about like that and that she deserves a person that actually cares about her. You certainly spend a fair amount of time playing head games with her and making her cry and feel worthless and telling her to go be as worthless as you think she is. You play word games a lot but your rhetoric falls real short on intelligent ears. I don't buy your bullshit.
You're a full of shit stupid mother fucking liar. That's why you need other people to do everything for you, not because you're alpha and can get them too but because you're a stupid weak bitch ass beta male that can't actually do it anything properly yourself. The only reason why I even came over to help you is because I know you're too much of an idiot to figure it out yourself and I pitied your stupidity. You always talk about how alpha males are dominate and confident yet, it's nature shows that its the beta males that sit and watch other males fuck their woman and you're with a weak ass beta female because a strong and confident alpha female wouldn't give you time of day and wouldn't ever let someone treat them like that and certainly would never listen to someone telling her to go willing let herself be used as a piece of shit whore.You are an inferior person and you know this, You know you're a weak ass beta male and I know you know it. That's why once you sift through the bullshit words and manipulative rhetoric, you're really just spending your time making people feel like shit most of the time and leave them fiening for your few good moments that you can muster, thats why you have her living in fear that if you leave no decent person would ever want her because she is now just a dirt diseased whore. she feels stuck with you now, she told me that back when we first started hanging out, back before you tried to cut me down to her because you know I can't watch someone be treated like shit. You know how often I've made a woman feel like shit this year? None that I know of because I don't need a woman to feel like shit to want to be around me, I'm not intimidated by a strong woman, and strong intelligent women like me and think I'm a good guy and would peg you as a piece of shit. The only girls you can fool are the ones that are damaged which is why you target those girls, you know you don't deserve a good woman, that's why you when you find a damaged woman you don't try to build her self confidence up and tell her she only deserves the best and instead you tell her go act like a dirty whore and send you proof so you can show her the proof of her whorish ways later when she gets the nerve to try to leave you like she tried 3 years ago.
Instead of spending your time trying to always make them feel better and nursing and nurturing the wounded ones you find, you over time methodically make them feel worse and play head games designed to trick them away from their friends and family. You did it with kathy right? And Sarah? and all the others you brag about. You regularly make your girlfriend feel like shit by ignoring her at your leisure and and making her fear that you'll leave her for another woman and that is also why you are constantly encouraging her to put herself into situations that lower her self worth so she'll feel like you're the best piece of shit she can get. That's not love, that's sick and sad and twisted. You don't deserve true love and you know it and that's why you try to demolish other peoples belief in true love. How's that feel bitch? And you think you can ridicule me? That's why you did it behind my back, you know your logic holds no weight. That's why the only friends you allow around your girlfriend are people that are pieces of shit like you and that's why the I'm the only decent person you know, your words not mine. What the fuck kind of friend talks shit about their friends? Even for a moment? I'll defend everyone of my friends no matter what because that's what a real fucking friend does. You can't even be a decent friend and yet you think you can be a decent mate?
YOU'RE WEAK ASS BETA MATERIAL! You're lucky I decided to turn around and walk away and not lure you into the street so I could beat the fucking shit you and break your shit talking jaw in half. By the way, you should never fight people on their property, always lure them off of it for legal reasons. sigh but I have to walk away these days, I don't fight anymore unless it is necessary because I have a problem where I black out and start breaking peoples ribs and arms and legs and shit and using weapons and yeah it's just better if I do not fight. The last person I fought resulted in the police woman asking me "Do you understand how badly you mutilated his face." No charges were filed, not that he would have won, It happened on my property and I am really good at representing myself in court. He and I had a private talk a few days before the altercation where he and I discussed the situation at hand and the consequences of his possible future actions. He proceeded to give me his word that he would act as a man of honor. I had laid it out plain as day that if he did not keep his word and act like a man of honor that I would break his fucking face. I actually am a man of my word and needless to say, he wasn't. I fucked that motherfuckers face up real nice like. His face looked like a jigsaw puzzle as described by the Officer. It was puffy and gushing blood and was cut everywhere. They though I took a weapon to him maybe several But that was all knuckles and it all happened in minutes. He had a lump on the top of his head that looked like a popcan, We were both pretty bloody although all the blood that was on me was his. I didn't even split a knuckle or anything. I hope I don't sound too proud of that. I really am not proud of it but it had to be done. We had a gentleman's agreement and he broke it and that forced my hand. I had the talk with him before hand for his benefit so all that violence could be avoided. I guess he thought he could take me, I don't know, People do underestimate me frequently in many many categories which although is frustrating at times, but it usually turns out to be a blessing in disguise. But all that was a few years ago and I have since decided that it's probably a good idea to grow as a person and to not be violent if it is at all avoidable. I try to be a good person even if sometimes it seems like no one else is trying very hard. I certainly am trying really hard to make sure my actions and words and intentions are in alignment with the future I seek and that I remain a good person and really build upon it to become the best version of myself I can be.
At least I won't be wasting any more of my time with that piece of shit. He can sleep in the bed he's made for himself. He fully deserves it. We all deserve what we seek. I believe that. I know what I seek is nothing but good and I'll put my head down and keep on walking forward until I find it. I won't stop and settle for being a lesser person or living a lesser life as a morally decepit person. I may have done bad things in my life but I have never ever done anything but defend my friends, protect them and help them whenever and however I can. I have never done anything really bad, I have never intentionally tried to make anyone feel worthless unless they are doing it to someone else, I have never bullied anyone except people who are bullies. I've known a lot of sick and twisted people in my life and I'm real good at coming out on top of it all when the shit goes down. I thrive under intense, stressful and chaotic situations. I do not like it and do not seek it but if the shit comes to me I will flush it. If you want to be ignorant and push someone around you better not let me find out about it and you better fucking not target the people I care about.
Anyways I'm done rambling, I feel immensely better. Still a little paranoid that I could have more fake ass friends. The shifting winds that time brings forth will shake the weak and rotten fruit from the tree.
It's "One Love" Brother, or it's not love.
I'll even define that for you since you are a racist prick and won't listen to "black" music
One Love is used to describe a love for something or someone that is pure and perfect and true.
There is a good chance that Nobody Loves You!!!! I mean love in that "true love" way, like would die for you and your happiness is their top number one priority in life and they would never do anything to hurt you, etc... There is a chance you'll remain alone forever! There do I sound bitter? lol Well I'm really not. but I suppose I might come across as being quite bitter. I'm correct though, I'm not lying to youbetter start getting comfortable with yourself and who you are outside of a sociological view. Maybe there is a word for when after you're bitter and still know what's up, Maybe its called being Realistic. 
What I want is sooo simple yet it is clearly impossible to find. I want a loyal best friend that likes to have fun and fuck, a lot, monogamously. Apparently that is too much to ask for. That's okay with me though. Whenever I feel lonely, so like all day everyday, I just remember the lowlights, the worst of, all my few relationships, I'm a long term kind of guy always in it for the long haul, I wanted a family and all that good shit, ya know? enjoy it while it lasts, put the blinders on, Well until I end up realizing that, truth be told, I have never actually been loved, not in the true sense of the word. sure I've been proposed to twice, married once, but i had to walk away from both of those situations. Hell, I've actually broken up with every girlfriend I've ever had, except one, I kind of just moved 4 states away without telling her, I know I'm a monster, but she was batshit crazy, anyways back to the point, wait is there a point? 
So I walked away from both situations because those women were decidedly not very in love with me, not the way I define the word. I think they just really liked how funny and smart and calm, cool and collect I am, and probably mostly, the fucking... ah how I love to make love. king girthy the 8th is still like a teenager with that thing where even after I'm done, that mother fucker still stays hard and wants to keep going. bastard is insatiable. I'm pretty good in the sack, My ex's still try to get me back quite frequently, they are constantly trying to hook back up even if just for sex, but the ole' facepalm and stern no has been working so far. I know I should cut off all ties but they are the only ones that I even get the lie of love from, I know its a lie but even the lie tastes good sometimes. I've only been with a few girls but we did it a lot... I'm sure my sex count is much higher than most peoples and I've taken a 2 1/2 year hiatus from all relationships other than pure innocent friendship, and to be honest about that, I only actually have 1 friend, the rest are still at the "acquaintance" level to me (nope, I don't have trust issues...). More people consider me a friend than vice versa. I've learned my lesson, I do not put more effort into building interpersonal relationships with people than they themselves put in. well except my best friend, I would never tell her that but I'm sure I put in more effort than she does. But it's cool, I'm not complaining at all I just realized it as I was writing this, I need to contemplate it further; maybe I'm wrong, but it deserves some analyzing nonetheless. Regardless, she'll bail on me as soon as she finds a hot dickface piece of shit or if she relapses like she is worried about. I highly doubt she'll relapse. And I also know that she means much more to me than I do to her, which is good that we are just friends. She helped me out when I was going through my divorce, more than she knows, hell, more than I'm willing to admit out loud or even in a blog no one reads ;-) 
So today, no matter how lonely you feel, just be glad you're not in a bad relationship. Just be glad! Put on that smile and front to the world like you don't even give a motherfuck about anything but laughing and being positive. Nobody really gives a shit about you and you need to be okay with that. it's not the end of the world, Its just a simple fact, it happens to some of us, no matter how hard we try we get shit on constantly. Just wash yourself off everyday and ignore it all. get stoned and push those negative feelings right out your own ass, just don't be like the rest of them and don't shit on anyone else, just because you're covered in it doesn't give you the right to do it to anyone else, little shit-slinging monkey ass cunts! lol And here I am back to smiling and laughing, it does help to get it out, it does. thanks for reading my rant. fuck you if you don't like it. I don't give a fuck, not any more, I know now that "Nothing really matters... to me" (Queen, bitches!). lol 
